Top Ten Things I Should Be Ashamed Of

This summer has been a fun one. However, I have done a few things/or a few things have happened to me that I should be ashamed/embarrassed to admit.

But I’m not.

It’s life. I’ve come to terms with it. It’s just who I am.

1. I found a hair. On my face.

A big, thick, white, curly hair coming out of my cheek. What the hell?

I’m 35 years old. I get it. Hair starts popping up in random places. I’ve expected it to happen…around my upper lip area, my nose or ears.

But a real whisker? Seriously? Am I a cat?!

No. Not happening. I pulled it out immediately, but don’t think I don’t check every single day for new ones. My husband and I don’t want our “whiskers” mating when we kiss.

2. How many Lemon bars can you eat in one day? So far, I’ve had 6. I started with nibbles off the edges of the pan. Then I caved and sliced off a bar. But I will still hungry. So I shaved off a half a bar. But I couldn’t just leave the half a bar all alone…so I ate it. Then the kids each wanted one, so I took one so they wouldn’t be eating alone. But the “one” I took may have been two combined due to its size. I have a problem. Send help. I can’t stop eating ALL the sugar!

3. I Pokémon hunt daily. Yes, I have the app. I downloaded it for my kids, initially. Then I became addicted. Now we have my husband take us around to Pokestops. My kids and I take Pokewalks every day. I’m learning more about Pokémon than I ever thought I wanted. However, I have completed my 10,000 steps each day, due to this app. Hatching those eggs takes a LOT of patience and movement. But I totally scored a Lapras out of it! Whoo-hoo!

4. At the beginning of summer, I had this rule for my kids: One hour of tech time per day. However, it’s August. Momma would just about do ANYTHING for some quiet time. I may have given them some “extra” tech time so I could nap. Like 4 hours extra…it was worth it.

5. There are days…full days, where I don’t actually get dressed for the day. At all. I will straight up wear the same pj pants all week. Takes the pressure off. No looking through the closet, wondering what I should wear. Plus, the laundry pile has been shrinking, which is really awesome. I may not smell that great, but my kids don’t care.

6. I’ve given up taking the kids out on summer expeditions. I’m so over it. We would prep for it, drive all the way out there, it would eventually get too hot, someone would complain, they would all argue and fight, I would yell, then we would come home super crabby and gross. No. Thank. You. Summer’s almost over. I quit.

7. I literally have nothing but time, yet I still can’t seem to get the housework done, make dinner and entertain the kids in the same day. Apparently, I have important things to do. Like, puzzles, reading my HUGE stack of library books, Pokewalks, sleeping in the afternoon and watching Secret Circle on Netflix (and being pissed all over again, once you realize it was only on for 1 season).

8. I’ve been letting things slide because it’s “summer” and “no one cares”. My kids rarely get bathed. It’s like once a week right now. Pretty sad, huh? There’s no actual bedtime. It’s just “when you start to annoy us, go to bed”. Declan actually complained that his toenails were getting too long the other day, (honestly, it wasn’t THAT bad) and brought me the clippers to fix them. Oops.

9. I just spent $60 at Goodwill. On what? Babysitters Club Books. Someone was getting rid of their collection, just when I happen to be building mine up! SCORE! I totally should be embarrassed about this but I’m SO NOT! I LOVE THESE BOOKS! Although, I’m really going to need another book shelf soon, just to store them all. I had no idea how many there really were.

I also have a list so I can cross out the ones I find. I happen to have a second list in my purse so I know what ones I still need. I just rewrote this list because my last one was too messy. I may have issues.

10. While were at it, I seem to have some sort of mental issue that makes me collect and hoard items. I have no other reason to want to collect each one, really. It just fills me with such joy. It’s not just the Babysitters Club books I’ve been collecting. I also have Garfield.

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Which, by the way, has its own list.

Yes, I do actually read these books. My husband accepts me for who I am. So it’s all good.

Top Ten Things I Hate About Summer

I enjoy summer. I really do. However, this past week has been BLAZING hot. I think we hit 116 heat index the other day. I started thinking about how much I’ll miss this heat when it’s in the negatives this winter, but I’m not sure this is the type of heat I’ll miss.

I decided that this was a good moment to share my top 10 reasons to hate summer:

  1. June Bugs, Japanese Beetles, and Cicadas. June Bugs slap against your face during quiet bonfire nights. Japanese Beetles COVER all the plants and eat them all and Cicadas leave their giant shell carcasses stuck to the outdoor furniture only so I can freak out when I accidentally touch one.
  2. Swoob and Swamp-ass. There’s just not enough spray deodorant to go around. Seriously, I hate the feeling of sweat dripping down between my boobs, filling my padded bra (which I have because I appreciate all the help I can get), and having to walk around with what feels like a water bra. I could wring that thing out after a walk outside. It was so hot the other day, after walking to the store, I realized I had a sweat-stache’ beaded up on my upper-lip area. Good God. Someone help me.
  3. Shaving my legs. Don’t get me wrong. I love having soft, smooth legs. But, I don’t really need it every day. Really. I just don’t care. However, forget a few days, then go outside wearing shorts because it’s so damn hot and *POOF* everyone comments on how they could braid your leg hair. (Ok, I promise it wasn’t *that* bad, but it was noticeable).
  4. Summer Vacation at home with 3 kids. Send. Help. Please.
  5. My leather seats. Who’s dumb idea was it to buy a black car with black leather interior? Nothing like forgetting about having bare legs and feeling that searing heat cook naked skin.
  6. Cooking or Baking, Anything. I love to cook. And when I’m craving something, I love to bake. But when the sun becomes a fiery ball of death in the sky that sends licks of flames down to my house, considering even turning on the oven is a death sentence. Although, raw brownie batter, here I come!
  7. Sun set at 9p.m. Yes, it’s nice when this happens and you feel like you get to enjoy longer days. But when you want your day to be shorter, and decide to go to bed early one night, I don’t need the sun telling me what I already know. “Yes, I get it, Sun. It’s 8p.m. I should be out doing something productive or enjoying the evening, but I’m tired. Give up already.” The winter doesn’t try to embarrass me. It just shuts the world down at 5p.m. whether you want to go to bed early or not.
  8. Mosquitos. I almost put them with the rest of the bugs in #1, but they deserve their own #. Seriously. I decide to stay up later to enjoy the outdoors in the evening and all I get for it is 40 mosquito bites that make me look like I have Chicken Pox.
  9. Sand. Where does it come from? I don’t even have a sandbox, and yet, I sweep up a ton of it weekly. It’s everywhere.
  10. Wet clothing and laundry. Every day, my kids find a way to get wet. Then they have to change. Then they get wet, again. Then they have to change. This is a cycle that needs to end. Either stop getting wet or live with being wet. Or I need to make clothing out of plastic wrap instead. I miss the days of them running around in diapers…sometimes.

There you go. My Top Ten for this week.

Top Ten for Summer- Part 2

This is my second installment of the Top Ten for Summer. It’s almost August! Summer is almost over!!

My list this week is: Top Ten Things I’m Sick of Saying.

  1. “No. It’s NOT time to eat! It’s 9:30 a.m. At least wait until 11 for lunch.” Why does this happen EVERY DAY. The rules NEVER change. Yet, I get asked this question constantly. Apparently, I’m starving my children. Just as I wrote this, my son came up and said, “I see lunchtime on the screen, can we eat now?” Never should have taught them how to read.
  2. “STOP FIGHTING!” I’m going to set up a ring in my backyard and let them “solve” their issues the old-fashioned way.
  3. “Shut the DOOR!” This actually isn’t me. I’m just really tired of hearing my husband say this over and over again. “We’re not paying to air condition the outside!” and “You’re letting all the flies in!”, go along with this as well. For some reason, this is a difficult concept for my children to remember.
  4. “You HAVE to take a bath! The top of your feet are a different color than the bottoms. It’s time to see what’s under the dirt.” Bleh. My poor bath. They leave a brown ring every time.
  5. “Put your shoes on!” I get it. Summer= shoes optional. However, this does not mean you can go barefoot into Target. They frown on that. Especially when your feet resemble what I described in #4.
  6. “Please get dressed. At least put on PANTS!” Morgan will wander this house in her underwear for WEEKS if we don’t tell her to get dressed. I guess this summer schedule is too relaxed.
  7. “Stop grossing me out!” The other day, this was a conversation I overheard in the back of my car while I was driving the twins to the store: Morgan: “Hey Declan! Guess what I’m eating?” Declan: “Is it candy?” Morgan: “Nope! It’s a booger!” They both laugh, then 2 minutes later I hear: Declan: “Morgan, guess what I’m eating?” Morgan: “Is it a booger?” Declan: “Nope! I’m chewing on a toenail!” They both start laughing again. If you ever thought having twins was a cute adventure, think again.
  8. “No. A tornado isn’t going to come and blow you away.” Thanks to my son Evan, and his desire to be a storm chaser, all my kids are a little obsessed with Tornadoes. However, to them, every single thunderstorm we get here, holds a tornado just waiting to take them away. We get a LOT of storms here. That’s a LOT of opportunities for them to fly away. I used to love storms. Now I dread the sound of thunder, because it means I have to dig out my prepared speech about how they will not be sucked up by a tornado.
  9. “CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELVES!” No, there is no magical fairy that cleans up when you go to school. Now that it’s summer, you can see how you contribute to the disaster we call home.
  10. “Please, leave me alone for 5 minutes!” Yes, I know I’m here with you ALL summer. Every single minute of every single day. It’s pretty neat that I get this opportunity. However, sometimes I need just 5 minutes to breath. Or pee in peace. In those 5 minutes, I don’t want to play with you, I don’t want to “just watch this one thing” or even listen to who touched who first. I just want 5 minutes of PURE PEACE and QUIET. In this house, you would think I was asking for World Peace. At least my bathrooms have locks.

Top Ten for Summer:

For this summer, I will be doing a quick series of my Top Ten. Each week will feature a different Top Ten of mine and hopefully, they will all make sense.

For today I will be doing this:

Top Ten Reasons I Kind Of Suck At Parenting:

  1. Tooth fairy– This is probably the easiest job you have as a parent. Kid loses tooth. Kid puts tooth under pillow (or in our case, on dresser). Tooth fairy switches out tooth for money. Done and done. We even made it easier on our Tooth fairy by not putting it under the pillow. We leave it RIGHT BY THE DAMN DOOR on the dresser. SUPER EASY. However, our tooth fairy is incredibly forgetful. Morgan’s tooth sat there for 3 days. She forgot it was even there, so when money finally appeared, she thought it was an accident. I tell the kids stories about her and her hilarious failings. We are her only family and she’s working hard on becoming the tooth fairy for the neighborhood so be forgiving of her forgetfulness. Damn tooth fairy. You have ONE JOB! Also, she suddenly appears in the middle of the day. Like today, for example. Declan noticed it was the second day in a row his tooth remained untouched. BUT, while he was playing video games and was totally distracted, POOF, tooth gone, money appeared. Magic.
  2. Breakfast for Dinner– I know lots of families that do this. It’s not that uncommon. However, our breakfasts are cereal. So when I say “BREAKFAST for DINNER” I literally mean, “Pour yourself a bowl of cereal and be happy.” No, I do not do this often. How “often” is “often”? Cereal is a healthy choice…maybe not the ones I serve, but they have SOME healthy bits in them. I’m pretty sure Lucky Charms has some vitamins in there that can be helpful. The milk doesn’t turn green for good luck. It’s green because it’s healthy. Lettuce and Broccoli are Green. Therefore, Green= healthy. Logic. Boom.
  3. Breakfast for Breakfast– This time I actually mean pancakes or things “other people” consider breakfast. The other day we were actually OUT of cereal. (And no, it’s not because we had cereal for dinner. It’s because I’m a slacker and waited too long to grocery shop.) My kids complained. I had to do something to get them to be quiet. I got up and, very reluctantly, made pancakes, mostly because it was all I had. My kids thought it was a holiday. Evan told me it was the best breakfast he’s ever had and I’m a wonderful Mom. Remember that when we have cereal for dinner…
  4. Forgot to Put a Child to Bed– I felt terrible. Ok, here’s how our bedtime routine goes: Each kid gets tucked in by me. Jalon comes in after to give them kisses and turn off the lights. However, Jalon ran to the bathroom in between one of these sessions and forgot to say good night to Morgan. And we were kind of in a hurry to watch Orange is the New Black that night. Which meant, for about 30 minutes, she just sat in her bed, playing with her stuffed animals, waiting for Daddy to say good night and turn off her lights. Did she think to get out of bed to tell us? No. Did she make ANY sounds at all? Nope. We saw a light reflecting on the wall and checked it out. She didn’t seem to mind much. Just giggled and then went to sleep. I felt terrible.
  5. Cleaning Music– I like to listen to music when I clean house. Typically, we listen to country music, but the kids don’t really enjoy it. So I will turn on the Black Eyed Peas on Pandora and they will go nuts! Unfortunately, I can’t really control Pandora. Every now and then a song will come on that’s just a bit inappropriate. Like, Turn Down For What. Although, the amount of cleaning that gets done during these songs is incredible. So worth it.
  6. Movie Days- Morgan and Evan’s favorite movie is The Ghostbusters. From the 80’s. She loves the “Marshmallow guy”. Declan’s favorite movie is Avengers. Seriously. No cartoon crap in this house. Don’t get me wrong, they will watch the cartoon/Pixar movies, but they won’t choose them over and over again. I think I’ve seen Ghostbusters 8 times already and I just bought it 5 days ago. They also really loved Twister. However, they were learning LOTS of choice swear words, so I had to pull it from our regularly scheduled programming. Which is sad, because they would literally sit still as stone for the entire length of that movie. Declan called his sister “Bitch” once and blamed it on that movie. Darn it.
  7. Nap Time- Apparently, my kids are “too old” for nap time. However, I’m not. So when I need a quick snooze in the middle of the day, Mommy comes up with the “Let’s Be Quiet And Watch A Movie” moment. Sometimes I tell them to grab their blankies, a snack and something to drink because we’re about to have a super awesome movie day! Sometimes it works, most times it fails. I can usually pull it off on rainy days, but my nap times don’t always coincide with rainy days. Declan isn’t falling for my crap anymore and knows that when it’s sunny, he can ride his bike.
  8. Parks/Playgrounds- I start out every summer with GREAT intentions of visiting the BEST parks of the Twin Cities. But when the time comes to actually go, I realize how far away they are, how hot it is outside, the fact that I’ll probably just tell them to stop fighting, and cancel the whole thing. Plus, we have one of those Playground things in the backyard, that’s basically the same thing, right? This summer, that’s going to change…hopefully. It hasn’t yet, but the summer isn’t over.
  9. Ask Your Dad– Which means, I don’t feel like answering you right now. Or maybe it means, this question is hilarious and I want to hear what your Dad’s response will be. It could also mean, I can’t believe you actually asked me this in front of your friend, I’m not answering in front of your friend. And, if you interrupt a nap, this will be my response for sure.
  10. I’m a Terrible Influence– Hands got dirty at dinner? Use your shirt. Want great music to clean to? Go ahead and dance, but if I ever hear you singing these lyrics out loud, you are so done. Caught me sneaking a cookie before dinner? Have one, but tell anyone, and you are done! Want to stay up late to watch Hell’s Kitchen? Fine, but don’t be crabby tomorrow. What does my coffee taste like? Go ahead and have some, but you don’t get your own until you can pay for it on your own. We’re out of milk, OJ and there’s no lemonade made? Fine, have a pop, I don’t care.

I should probably be fired. Although, I’ll have you know, I spent a whole hour today, walking around our neighborhood hunting Pokémon. There’s a new app for devices called Pokémon GO and you basically walk around with your cell phone, GPS on, and hunt for Pokémon outside. For reals! We only caught two because I have weird rules about not going into people’s backyards, without their knowledge, to hunt things that don’t actually exist.

That should more than makeup for all my failings.

It’s SUMMER!

It’s officially summer and, so far, it’s been a crazy one! Time is flying by!!!

I was kind of dreading this summer, being home with 3 kids full time and all…but it actually has been a blast and is zooming by.

Darn it.

I start school in September too, so I think I’m dreading Fall just as much as they are. We are trying to make the best of this summer, while still maintaining our household. It’s a struggle for sure, but it hasn’t been too bad.

Here’s what our summer looks like so far:

This actually didn’t take place in the summer, but I felt I needed to share it anyway. My daughter “invents” moves and names them. She also takes EVERY opportunity presented to her to show them off. Even though it may not be an appropriate time to do so…

Then my husband and I created this video just for fun. We have a whole 2 thumbs up on it so now I get to do his makeup. He’s going to be so glamorous.

We watched Finding Dory the other day in 3D. Cute. Great. Kind of boring. Evan kept telling everyone that he had to sit there for 2 whole hours and do nothing. Hard life he lives. I spent $90 for him to complain about not doing anything and eating popcorn. Man, I’m a terrible Mom.

Today, I decided that since he was so “tired of doing nothing” that he can spend the day cleaning. Let him see how much fun that can be.

Unfortunately for me,  the weather is totally disgusting today so the kids don’t want to go out and play anyway…COME ON! SERIOUSLY? CAN’T YOU JUST WORK WITH ME ONCE?!

Well, that’s all I have for now. We have LOTS of videos coming, so if you prefer to follow me on YouTube, they will be posted soon. It takes so LONG to edit videos and I kind of suck at it, but we have a bunch and ideas for more to come.

We are really trying to turn this into a great summer, so hopefully I’ll have LOTS of adventures to post about soon!

Or I’ll just post pictures of the kids playing WrestleMania…or “fighting”. Whatever.

 

 

How I React When Scary Crap Happens:

My brother has that Samsung Gear VR thing. It’s pretty cool. When he brought it over to the family BBQ, I was excited to try it out. I love new technology! It seemed so cool! Virtual worlds that you can look at and wander around. I’ve just been waiting for something like this since I was a kid.

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My brother picked a trailer for a movie. Something quick and terrifying.

The Conjuring 2.

I actually watched a trailer for this movie on the TV a few days ago and was barely able to keep my eyes open. But I thought, I’ve seen it, I know what happens, how scary can it actually be?

Here’s what happens:

(My super thoughtful husband made a video of me. I had no idea he was filming this. I would have tried to hold my fear inside a bit better…)

 

Now. I think you should at least see the same video as I was watching. Then tell me if it isn’t scary.

 

I kind of wanted one before, now I’m like 95% sure it would be a bad idea. I always start out thinking I’m much braver than I am. I am pretty stupid and will give myself nightmares constantly watching terrifying things on it.

My son Evan LOVED it!! Not this trailer, of course, but my brother found a tornado chaser clip for him and he was thrilled.

 

My Body Image

I’ve been reading quite a bit online about body image. There’s a TON out there, about how we should be happy with our bodies. And I agree. We should be happy with our bodies.

However, I’m not always happy with it.

Sometimes I hate it.

Sometimes I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin, I can’t even get dressed for the day, fearing what jeans won’t fit, or a t-shirt that will be too tight. Drawstring sweatpants and extra large t-shirts are my go-to uniform most days.

I don’t always love my body.

Can I fix that?

I don’t know.

I’m OK with most parts of me.

For example, I’ve accepted that I will always have big feet.

There’s no way around that. I won’t ever be one of those girls that can wear a size 6. I’m a size 9 1/2-10. The only time it really pisses me off is when I see a super cute pair of vintage shoes that are sizes too small for me.

I’ve come to terms with my legs. They may not be small, but they are strong. I like that. I like feeling strength in them when I run.

I’ve even accepted my arms. They are a little flabby, but it’s ok. I just give good hugs.

However, there’s a part of my body I just don’t feel like I’ll ever accept or enjoy. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel comfortable wearing a bikini or wearing a dress without a body shaper underneath.

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It’s my belly.

Belly and I have had some serious battles growing up. It’s always been on the “pudgy” side. I’ve never had abs that I can actually see (not that I actually tried real hard to obtain those anyway).

I’ve always had this fluff around the middle.

As much as I appreciate the extra padding for warmth in the winter, I’m never really comfortable in jeans and shirts because of it. I am constantly aware of it.

It’s not so much the pudge that bothers me, it’s the  extra skin.

I have lots of extra skin, due to carrying the twins almost 6 years ago. Apparently, my body chose to keep all that extra skin for some reason. I’m not one of the lucky ones that obtains my pre-pregnancy body after giving birth.

Yes, the extra handles on the side could be eliminated with working out, I’m sure. I could probably even tone down my tummy so it wouldn’t bulge out so much.

But I can still feel it. I feel all that extra skin when I run. It moves. It jiggles along in rhythm to my running music.

There’s no escaping it.

No matter how many miles I run, no matter how many ice creams I trade for bananas, I will still always have that extra skin. My husband has offered surgery, just to help me feel better about myself.

But maybe it won’t help me. What if it’s all in my head and I just need to come to terms with this. What if I get the surgery, feel wonderful, but then realize there’s another part of my body that I need to fix now. What’s next?

When would I stop?

Yes, I could fix my stomach skin with surgery, but while I’m there, why don’t I get a boob lift as well? Pregnancy and age destroyed them too. And, while I’m out, could you maybe adjust my arm flab? That way it’s gone. I’ve also always wanted a better butt…can you fix that too? Maybe I should…

Maybe I should just accept it.

Maybe I won’t actually ever really love it. But I need to get over it and accept it as part of me now. Because the other option just isn’t for me.

Plus, I’m a 100% sure I’m not the only one in a constant battle with my own body image.